Today we’re going to look at the characteristics of what is known as high-conflict personality, or HCP in English.
This term was coined by Bill Eddy in the early 2000s, a lawyer and social worker who, through his practice in family law and work as a divorce mediator, realized that there was a specific behavioral pattern in which people tended to generate conflict constantly, exaggerate problems, and blame others without taking responsibility for their part in the situation.
What is a high-conflict personality?
It’s a behavioral pattern that can be present in people who meet criteria for personality disorder diagnoses as well as in those who don’t.
This type of personality shows a predictable pattern of conflict across different areas of life (work, family, relationships, etc.).
In particular, this pattern is characterized by:
- Blaming others: These are people who do not take responsibility for any conflict and assume that the others involved are the only ones to blame.
- Intense emotional reactions: They experience sudden and intense mood swings. They have a short fuse and can become angry very quickly.
- Black-and-white thinking: They see the world in extremes—either you’re good or bad, it’s all or nothing. They don’t acknowledge shades of gray.
- Difficulty moving on: These are people who hold grudges and bring up past issues at the slightest opportunity.
- Being defensive: Since they are unable to take responsibility, the moment someone points something out, even slightly, they become defensive.
As you might imagine, these traits make it likely that people with a High-Conflict Personality will constantly be in conflict with those around them. This is especially difficult to deal with when the person is a family member you live with, a boss or coworker, or your partner.
Associated personality disorders
As we’ve said, this term coined by a social worker/lawyer is not an official DSM diagnosis (the “bible” of psychiatric diagnoses).
However, these characteristics can show up in people with the following personality disorders:
- Narcissistic: These are people with very fragile egos. Any threat to the image they have of themselves and want to project can trigger defensive or attacking behaviors. They will not take responsibility for their mistakes because doing so would mean admitting they’re not perfect—something that’s very hard for them.
- Borderline: These individuals show high emotional lability. They not only feel emotions very intensely, but their emotional triggers are often social, as their struggles are linked to how they relate to others. They tend to swing from adoration to hatred quickly. Their fear of abandonment leads them to adopt black-and-white thinking.
- Antisocial: Manipulative people with low empathy. They won’t take responsibility for their actions, will twist the situation to blame others, and know how to use their outbursts of anger to manipulate people.
- Histrionic: Due to their intense and unpredictable emotionality and their search for stimulation through it, these individuals often derive some value from creating conflict in their relationships. Like narcissists, they often have low self-esteem, which can make it difficult for them to admit their mistakes (lack of responsibility and tendency to become defensive).
- Paranoid: Since they tend to be excessively distrustful and see conspiracies or hidden meanings in ambiguous situations, it’s common for them to have frequent conflicts with others around them.
How to deal with a high-conflict person
Dealing with high-conflict individuals can be very challenging due to their constant pursuit of conflict. If you find yourself sharing space with one of them, try to keep the following points in mind:
- Don’t get caught up in their drama: The person may try to provoke you into reacting. It’s best to stay calm and avoid reacting with strong emotions.
- Set clear boundaries: Be firm and state which behaviors you will and won’t accept.
- Use the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm): Keep communication short and fact-based.
- Don’t expect them to change: It’s unlikely they will acknowledge or change their behavior. You’re not going to convince them of anything. So it’s better not to waste your energy trying.
- Create distance: If the person does not respect your boundaries and it’s possible, put some distance between you. Whether that’s physical or psychological, if you have no choice but to live with them.
- Seek support: In serious cases, therapy, mediation, or even legal assistance may be necessary.
Conclusion
The profile of High-Conflict People was first described in the early 2000s based on observations in the fields of social work and family law.
Although it is not an official DSM diagnosis, the characteristics it defines are recognizable and predictable. These individuals may or may not have an associated personality disorder.
They are characterized by not taking responsibility for their conflictual behavior, becoming defensive, blaming others, reacting with intense emotions, and holding grudges.
If you find yourself dealing with one of them regularly, you’ll likely need a solid toolkit of assertiveness and the ability to set boundaries.
If you’re interested in working on these tools in therapy in Valencia or online, you can contact us here.
